Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
