hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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