I heard we made out
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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