the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
