Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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