dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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