Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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