I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
