Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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