Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize