then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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