Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
