Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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