Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize