how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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