I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
