16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
