Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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