She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
