Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
