I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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