it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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