New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
