I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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