just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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