i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
