Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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