WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
