i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
