i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
