I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
