So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need moral support for this bender
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
