We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
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Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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