I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
