Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
