You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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