Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
