I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
