Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
