Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
