I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I cannot find my penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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