so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
