This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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