Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
