people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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