obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.