I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.