ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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