thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
