I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
