i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
