STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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