But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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