forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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