Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
