There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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