I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
